The Snuggle Struggle

It was my wife’s birthday recently and so I had cause to re think the art of snuggling.

The movies make it look sooooo easy!

You lie there, with your other half, post whatever and simply meld together in complete synergy where your bodies perfectly intertwine.

You then drift off to sleep without a care in the world.

I don’t know about you but when it comes to the obligatory post coital snuggle I seem to have one too many arms.

Take the spoon position. I’m all good with the throw over arm, but where are you supposed to tuck the other one? It kind of gets jammed down between you and your partners butt, and that’s never going to end up well.

Then there’s the “lie on your back and let her fall asleep with her head on your chest listening to your heart beat” position. That works fine if you like to sleep on your back, but that increases your chances of snoring. This in turn increases your chances of getting a smack in the head in the middle of the night. There’s also the problem of waking up with wifey’s head stuck to your chest by drool.

The simple answer would be, don’t snuggle which is fine for us blokes. But your other half will suddenly think that there is something deeply wrong and then the questions will start and its all downhill from there.

So here’s how to beat the snuggle struggle.

1: Have your romantic interludes at odd times and in places other than the sleeping chamber. Mid morning or afternoon is always good, especially when you have kids cause they will often be having a sleep. Changing up the location also helps because you usually won’t have the luxury of just dozing off and there’s not that many places to hide at Bunnings.

2: Make sure you’ve got something you have to do afterwards. Put the bins out, feed the dogs, drive home, get back to work, get the kids out of the car, turn the oven off/on, watch the last half of the footy, go to your brother’s engagement party, board up the windows for a cyclone, vote in an election, pick up pizza etc. That way you can exchange compliments and knowing smiles and avoid the snuggle struggle.

Hey, maybe you’re a great snuggler and this all means nothing and if that’s the case, big ups to you. But for the rest of us, I’m just sayin ….

 

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Why I Love the Census

Last night, rather late, I jumped on line and completed the national census.

And I loved it for 3 reasons.

1: In June next year we’ll be able to examine the data and get a realistic view of where the country is heading. We’ll be able to examine age demographics, career trends, income trends, education trends. As a business owner being able to get a handle on the future helps me plan the direction of my business and find opportunities.

2: My wife went to bed before I did the census and so I took on the responsibility of entering her information on her behalf. As a result, my third generation, Aussie born and bred, caucasian Christian wife is officially now a middle aged Moslem lady with 7 children from 9 fathers who’s mum is an Inuit Eskimo and who’s dad is a plumber/physicist from the Republic of Moldova.

3: There was a box to tick that said something like “Do you want us to retain your personal information and release it to the public in 99 years?” Naturally I ticked yes. Now I can go to my grave safe in the knowledge that in 2110 when my great, great, great, great grandson is doing his school family tree project he’ll know that his great, great, great great granddad was a multi millionaire elite athlete with a double masters degree in rocket science who did volunteer community work on the weekends with the elderly.

Yep, I’m a census lover. Let’s do another one!

Posted in Little Life Nuggets | Tagged | 2 Comments
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